Man plans…God ROTFL

I recently saw on social media that it was a classmate’s birthday (happy belated, Chris). I didn’t know the guy too well in school, still don’t other than he seems level-headed and intelligent (anything past that is superfluous, isn’t it?) But he once told me something that's stuck with me for decades.

It was in those last, lazy days before our high school graduation. Grades tallied, academic awards distributed, all that was left of our involvement with the public institution was Pomp and Circumstance, and the coveted document that I’ve since lost. I can’t quote Chris (come on - it was thirty-five years ago), but to paraphrase, in his perspective, looking forward into the unknown future as brand-new graduates, I appeared to have my future all figured out.

Seems God had us both fooled, brother.

I have no idea what he was detecting in me. Did I have a swagger? A glow? What, other than my innocent ignorance playing its hand at confidence, was he sensing? I may put up a good front, but I’ve never really known what my future holds, or my place in it. Even now I wear brown pants so nobody can tell when I’m shitting myself. I don’t know where I’m heading, not really. Don’t be surprised, but I’m totally winging this adult thing.

Back then, on the brink of The Real World, maybe I did naively believe I had it all figured out. I'd been accepted to Pacific Northwest College of Art, a private fine arts and design school to study graphic design. I wanted to create album covers as a career (who even has albums now?) At the time I was also at the height of my equestrian career, and had been recruited to represent a National-level Arabian show-barn where I’d be riding and showing million-dollar horses. I had a career path, and the ‘fallback’ plan in the high-class show world, both of which I was excited to explore.

Don’t get too excited kid. Man plans…God ROTFL.

Turns out, the Universe had other plans. You know what Michael Chabon says about Man's plans v God’s sense of humor? Just when you're arrogant enough to think you've got this, shit goes sideways. Life can catch you off-guard in a single moment, one you don’t even see coming. One minute the road ahead is smooth sailing, paved by hard work and the best intentions. The next, you’re flashing down the highway in an ambulance after your first real pitfall of realism and all those plans dissipate much like the passing siren...

A few broken bones and couple of shattered dreams later I wandered, both metaphorically and literally. What now? The question wouldn't go unanswered for long. I woke up one morning, wild and free in my wee-twenties and spontaneously drove the Alaska-Canadian Highway to Alaska. I had no itinerary, but I did have $200 to my name, my Nikon, a Jack Kerouac novel, and a pit-bull named Chainsaw (he snored). I slept in the pickup truck I was driving, or on the side of the road under the stars when Chainsaw drove me out of the cab. I outran a forest fire outside of Whitehorse, and smoked hashish with strangers I'd met on the shoreline of Destruction Bay. In Alaska I survived by waiting tables, slinging drinks, and selling my photography. I felt, for the first time since "The Crash", that my feet were back on some sort of path.

Remember the Universe?

After surviving an Alaskan winter I was mentally unprepared for, I found myself back in lush green Oregon, and returning to the job at the one-hour photo lab I’d left (at least I got paid to feed my habit). I felt defeated. Twice failed. Like I wasn’t allowed to do the things in life that I wanted to.

As it turned out, the Universe did have a plan and once back in Portland, the Powers That Be set a young enginerd in my path (never in a million years my type...until it was). He moved in after our first date; we married five months later (thirty years ago and counting). Kids, house in the ‘burbs, acreage in the boonies. Massage school and private healing practice in a small town. Film school. Then…publishing my first two novels. Where the hell did that come from?

Man makes plans…God laughs. Man gets lost…God leads. Man listens…man arrives.

A lot of crazy shit has happened to me in this lifetime. Bring your cuppa, and follow me into my next post where I’ll share with you where, exactly, my stories come from.

Be sure to join my email list so you can get access to special deals and exclusive writings.

-Dani