Elevate Your Writing: Show Me, Don't Tell Me

As writers, we’re all very aware of the hallowed First Commandment of Storytelling: Thou shalt show, not tell. And I recognize there’s a fair amount of disagreement around this; often new writers will argue that books tell, movies show. However, most writing experts will counter that showing is just as important for compelling written narratives as it is for visual ones. Let’s dig deeper into this. The following examples are from the upcoming third installment of my ‘Death by’ series, ‘Death by Retribution’:

The cabin’s modest kitchen was equipped with an antiquated counter and cabinet unit that seemed to hail from decades past, a time when burnt orange was a trendy Formica color. The aroma of fried foods and woodsmoke lingered in the stale air. Floorboards squealed in protest at my invasion. A cupboard held a mishmash of glass dishes, the majority of them chipped and cracked. One drawer held an array of fast-food condiment packets, salt-and-pepper pouches and a scatter of loose toothpicks among the peppering of mouse droppings. The second, a box of disposable plastic cutlery and a carving knife with an antler handle worn smooth.

Here, I’ve chosen to use vivid adjectives like “antiquated”, “trendy”, and “burnt orange” to paint the reader a picture. The metaphor “seemed to hail from decades past” shows you the kitchen is old without stating it directly. Lastly, my word choice, “mishmash,” “scatter,” and “well-worn” emphasize the idea that the kitchen has seen a lot of use.

Now, while the ‘show, don’t tell’ guideline is a powerful tool for writers wanting when we want to create vivid and immersive narratives, it is worth mentioning that some storytelling contexts may actually benefit from a more direct approach. Telling can streamline transitions, highlight key moments, and delve into complex emotions. Genres like thrillers thrive on it, and introspective characters often “tell” us their thoughts. Cultural expectations and reader preferences vary, and some simply enjoy clear-cut storytelling. Remember, balance is key. Use both showing and telling strategically to serve your story and engage your readers.

The breeze off the lake carried a sweet freshness, and the scent of pine needles. I leaned my rifle against the truck and slid the HK from its holster at the small of my back. The weight of the gun in my hand was a reassuring presence. My pulse pounded in my ears as I took slow, measured breaths, every synapse on high alert. The forest surrounding the gravel lot was deathly still, the only sound being the soft lapping of water against the shoreline. I crept forward, my senses heightened, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling. I felt the weight of invisible eyes settle upon me. The Suburban loomed ahead, a dark silhouette in the otherwise deserted lot. I held my breath, straining to hear over the silence. Suddenly, I sensed movement in the shadows. The hunter was now the hunted. I whipped my head around, heart racing, and too-late caught a glimpse of the gun just before it slammed into my head and the ground raced up to meet me.

Here I’ve shown the reader through sensory and setting details that the scene is tense, but I’ve told them some of tmy character's thoughts and feelings. Some telling can be useful in moderation.

When striving to show instead of tell in your writing, there are a few common mistakes you’ll want to avoid. Try not to overuse adjectives and adverbs that can make your writing feel exaggerated and inauthentic. The first time I submitted a manuscript to an agent, I was rejected in the most direct way: ‘I found myself compelled to reject your submission. I would definitely consider enlisting the specialized skills of a rugged, experienced literary lumberjack, equipped with an industrial-strength chainsaw, to be at the ready to aggressively tackle and ruthlessly prune the wild, sprawling, almost suffocating overgrowth of flamboyant, extravagant, and utterly superfluous adjectives that have overrun the rich, fertile landscape of your otherwise intriguing, potentially captivating narrative.’ It was a valuable rejection – ‘no’ wrapped in critical feedback that improved my writing.

Utilizing dialogue as an insightful mechanism will both unveil the intricacies of a character’s nature, and propel your narrative forward. A character’s distinctive speech patterns, deliberate choice of words, and expressive tone are key elements that can disclose crucial details about their individuality, underlying incentives, and their personal history. Dialogue serves as a dynamic force to cultivate tension and drive conflict within the storyline.

Agent Dixon rose from his seat, smoothing down his suit jacket. “Very well then,” he said, his demeanor shifting to a graver tone, “we’ll be in touch with further instruction.”

Fiery determination blazed in my eyes as I stood and leaned in, planting both palms firmly on the table between us. My voice was strong and confident, but honed to a threatening edge, “One day, Dixon, you and I are going to go head-to-head, away from the Agency and their threats, without backup. Just you,” I volleyed my finger between us, “and me and I promise you, only one of us will walk away,” the weight of my oath left no room for ambiguity or misinterpretation.

Dixon met my gaze, his expression unreadable. “I’ll be in contact,” he repeated, ignoring my blatant threat and extended his hand. I didn’t shake it. I didn’t trust myself not to snap it off at the wrist.

Here I’ve used dialogue to convey the tension and conflict between these characters. Their verbal exchange demonstrates their opposing motivations and the building animosity between them. The use of strong, confident, and threatening language in my protaganist's dialogue conveys her determination and forecasts the potential for a future confrontation. Additionally, the refusal of shaking Dixon’s hand validates her underlying hostility and lack of trust .

To wrap it up, show me, don’t tell me to elevate your writing. This principle serves as a foundational element of effective storytelling, inviting readers to immerse themselves in your narrative rather than merely observing it from a distance. While it might seem challenging at first, especially for new writers accustomed to the straightforwardness of “telling,” mastering the 'show, don't tell' technique can significantly enhance the depth and engagement of your writing.

Remember, the key is balance—use vivid descriptions, engaging dialogue, and sensory details (sensibly) to reveal characters, settings, and emotions. By avoiding common pitfalls like overuse of adjectives, and instead focusing on meaningful, dynamic storytelling, you can transform your narrative from a simple recounting of events into a rich, compelling experience for your readers.

~Dani

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